I pick myself up, I dust myself off, I start all over again?

Somehow, 5 months have passed without a blog. Not sure how that happened. Wait. Yes, I am.

I got distracted. In a major way.

Ever have so much to say, you find it difficult to formulate a single sentence?

That has been the case for me especially during this last week. Some revelations have occurred to me within a very short period of time and I'm struggling to slow my thoughts down enough to make some sense of it.

I've always liked to think of myself as a wise woman. It's been said to me over and over again...wise beyond your years...too smart for your own good etc. etc. And I took pride in that. If I couldn't be pretty, I wanted to be smart. If I couldn't be thin, I wanted to be eloquent. Somewhere along the way, that became all I had to offer the world...or so I thought.

Turns out...I make EPICLY stupid mistakes. Allow myself to get caught up in a life I want vs. The life I need. Turns out "wise beyond her years" must have taken a break for the last 5 months because I've spent that time being extremely unwise.

I figure I'm due, though.

I've spent the majority of my twenties (although they're not over yet for a few years - thank goodness) working my butt off and not taking any time to stop and think about what I wanted out of life.

I finally got a bug up my butt, went after something I wanted and got slapped in the face with every single branch of the stupid tree on the way down.

Am I mad I tried? Nope. Is my pride hurt? Eh. A little. But I'm actually super happy I took a stab at it. It sent my world into a messy tailspin and left me questioning everything...and I'm grateful. Because now, whatever path I choose, I KNOW will be because I REALLY and TRULY want it with every fiber of my being.

Turns out I actually can't do everything, no matter how hard I try. And boy, do I try. I try so hard sometimes, I lose myself.  And that's something I don't want to experience again.

Turns out, I can't carry the world on my shoulders and expect to make it out alive.
Turns out...I'm only human, after all...much to my ego's dismay.

So while I sit here licking my wounds and wondering how I let myself get so twisted up, I have this voice in my head reminding me that perfection is not a goal anyone can achieve. And it's okay to fall flat on your face sometimes...as long as you can pick yourself up...

Dust yourself off...

And start all over again.

It's not so bad, I promise.